Gauge your bike snobbery

So, the question is not whether you are a bike snob. Rather, it’s how much of a bike snob are you?

Answer these questions to find out.

Finish the following statement: “My bike is worth…”

  1. More than I admit, even to close personal friends. And it’s worth much, much more than I admit to my significant other.
  2. Its weight in gold.
  3. Really, just gold? Well, I guess that’s how much mine was worth before I upgraded the wheel set.

You are riding along the road when a recumbent bicycle with a bright orange flag approaches from the other direction. What do you do?

  1.   Smile and wave. Hey, it’s great that we’re both on bikes, no matter what kind!
  2.   Nod nearly imperceptibly, so that others on real bikes will not notice.
  3.   Ignore this Philistine, and avoid eye contact at all costs.

When was the last time you cried?

  1. When someone stole my bike.
  2. When someone scratched my bike.
  3. When I was in the local bike shop and a pudgy guy with baggy MTB shorts and a BMX helmet came in with a Bianchi S9 Matta Ti/Carbon Record, asking the mechanic to put slime in the tyres so it wouldn’t get flats so often.

How many bikes do you own?

  1.  Two
  2. Three-five
  3. Are you counting complete, ride-able bikes? Or do I have to count all the frames? Also, do I have to count the vintage bikes I keep in case I ever decide to open a bike museum? How about the one that Eddy Merckx once touched?

When riding down the road and you see a cyclist of another discipline do you?

  1. Wave with hands off the bars as you would a good friend?
  2. Lift your hand slightly off the bars to acknowledge?
  3. Nod your head ever so slightly?
  4. Look straight ahead as if they don’t exist?

When parking your bike down at the coffee shop do you?

  1. Look for the most prominent spot where all passers-by will see it and comment?
  2. Be content with making your bike secure but always in your sight?
  3. Happy to just get the bike parked securely but not to scratch your bike or anyone else’s?

How do you rate other cyclists when first meeting them?

  1. The perceived value of their bike?
  2. The hair or absence of on their legs?
  3. The size of their calf muscles?
  4. The coordination of their kit including socks shoes and helmet?

If you are with your cycling mates and a non-cyclist you know comes along do you?

  1. Introduce them to your friends as your friend?
  2. Smile and just acknowledge their presence?
  3. Keeping talking and pretend that you haven’t even seen them?

If you have to chose a ride over attending the following events, what order of importance would you rate them?

  1. A family gathering with in-laws?
  2. A breakfast with your wife or partner?
  3. A game of golf or a trip to the football?

How to score yourself: oh, be serious. You know how bad you are. We all have our hidden biases and quirky slants in being cyclists!

Looking forward to seeing you on the road soon God willing.


One Response to Gauge your bike snobbery

  1. Brig says:

    Hilarious post! I just got a mid-range Centurion hybrid, chosen because it was comfy and the paintwork was a great Kermit green! It’s amazing how sophisticated bikes have become – this is the first I’ve owned as an adult – there certainly weren’t any disc brakes back when I had the mandatory childhood mountain bike!

    As far as bike snobbery goes, I don’t think I’m sophisticated enough to be one. But watching the weekend bike riders congregate around Southbak for their coffees on the weekends, I can certainly imagine the comments about who bought this or that accessory in the name of being top-of-the-bike-snob tree!

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